Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Calling All Exhausted Mothers!

Over in motherhood land we occasionally get a little wiped out. A little bleary-eyed. A few sags here, bags there. A little stalled in the love department. Well, if you've stopped your busy day to read this, take heart. I've got some simple solutions to ALL your mommy problems!

Let's see....the first must-have for ALL new mothers is:

1. Lizard Wine. Believe it or not, most new (and sometimes not-so-new babies) wake up during the night. They need to be fed, diapered, coddled, cuddled, whatever. They always need us at 3am. Their needs simply cannot wait until 6. So, to improve your vision for those midnight escapades try this. Lizard wine.


2. Next on my must-have list is scorpion wash. It will help to reduce pain in your achy arms and shoulders, and will invigorate your tired body.
3. After showering with that stuff, you can move on to your morning brew: weasel coffee. This coffee is first eaten by weasels, then regurgitated and gathered to be cleaned and roasted. It has a chocolaty flavor, for all you chocoholics.
4. Lastly, what sort of person would I be if I didn't suggest a little somethin' something' for sprucing up the love life! Aphrodisiac pearl lollipops have been used in China and Japan since ancient times. A small caveat - if you have allergies to shellfish this pop might not be for you.
All of these great mother-items can be purchased here.

Have a great rest of your day!

4 comments:

Grandma A said...

HMMMMMMM, GLAD I'M "OLD"!! THIS IS NOT REAL "APPEALING" AND I'D HATE TO START OVER....=) ENJOY YOUR DAY,
GRANNY "A"

kim h said...

nasty! at first i thought you were joking, or it was just a name, but that site just grossed me out. how do you find these things?

Tennisc G said...

You are too much, Leah! Thanks for the laughs.

At first, I was thinking "hey, share some with this bleary-eyed Market Researcher/House Builder," who needs caffeine to stay awake, etc etc.... on second thought, I'm not one for "excrement coffee".

Thanks anyway!

Love ya,
G

Grandma A said...

HMMMMMM, I SEE I'M NOT ALONE IN MY "OLD" THOUGHTS....EVEN THE YOUNG HAVE BEEN GROSSED OUT....=) TRY TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE THE REST OF THE DAY...

LOVE YA,
G "A"